Renewal
Winter in Minnesota can be hard. The days feel so short with my work hours taking up most of the daylight. I don't spend as much time outdoors as I do the rest of the year. Daylight Saving is a struggle for me as well. I don't know about you but trying to adjust my sleep schedule by an hour is damn near impossible. I end up feeling sleep deprived and my mood seems decline in alignment with the amount of sleep I get.
On the plus side, my ability to appreciate spring may be a direct result of living through Minnesota winters. This weekend finally felt like spring for me. A bit of snow can still be found in my yard but for the most part I can see evidence of the end of winter. Grass is starting to green up, plants are pushing up through the ground, and the dogs are tracking in mud instead of snow.
I spent most of the day yesterday outside clearing brush from the yard, putting out yard furniture, picking up dog poop that was no longer hidden under the snow, and I pouting out a couple of ferns in the planters on the deck. This morning when I came downstairs and saw my spring boots and the ferns I felt like spring was truly here!
Spring makes me think of renewal. Nature miraculously renews itself each spring. Spring cleaning renews my home and yard. My dogs all get their annual physical and renew their legal status with a brand new rabies tag. But this year I am in need of a much deeper renewal because I am not good with just a cleaner house, legal pets, and a pretty yard.
Lately I have come face to face with my icky side and I don't like what I have been seeing. I have put being right and being heard over having good relationships. I've been reflecting on what has been happening when I felt compelled to lash out or withdraw and the answer seems to be that I am doubting myself and doubting my skills to deal with difficult situations. I've recognized that my focus on gratitude and joy has been slipping and unfortunately my relationships have suffered as a result. I am not okay with that.
This brings me back to my thoughts on winter and Daylight Saving time. When I feel best about myself is when I am mindful of what I eat, the quality of my sleep, my time spent in nature, and nurturing my relationships and sense of community. I live alone and am fiercely independent but that does not mean relationships and community are not critically important in my life. They may even need to be more of a priority because it is so easy for me to slip into being okay with isolation. But to be honest, this remains something I really struggle with. I have lost myself in relationships so when I started this journey I thought it was enough for me to focus on gratitude and self-worth as an individual. I guess I assumed I would transfer everything I learned into relationships with others but I have painfully realized this isn't happening. I need new skills. I need to be brave. I need to put in the work. But I could use some help. I have always felt that everyone around me has figured this out so I'm reaching out for your insight. What you think is most important in building relationships and community? How do you stay connected? How do you not lose your sense of self in the process? Or are you facing the same struggles?
My quest for renewal will still include getting enough sleep so that I can bring my best self to the table, mindfully planning my meals so that I am in my best health, and spending sufficient time in nature so that my body and brain have time to connect with each other. But the scary work, the work I fear most but need the most will also be building and maintaining relationships and community because being single does not mean I have to go through life alone.
On the plus side, my ability to appreciate spring may be a direct result of living through Minnesota winters. This weekend finally felt like spring for me. A bit of snow can still be found in my yard but for the most part I can see evidence of the end of winter. Grass is starting to green up, plants are pushing up through the ground, and the dogs are tracking in mud instead of snow.
I spent most of the day yesterday outside clearing brush from the yard, putting out yard furniture, picking up dog poop that was no longer hidden under the snow, and I pouting out a couple of ferns in the planters on the deck. This morning when I came downstairs and saw my spring boots and the ferns I felt like spring was truly here!
Lately I have come face to face with my icky side and I don't like what I have been seeing. I have put being right and being heard over having good relationships. I've been reflecting on what has been happening when I felt compelled to lash out or withdraw and the answer seems to be that I am doubting myself and doubting my skills to deal with difficult situations. I've recognized that my focus on gratitude and joy has been slipping and unfortunately my relationships have suffered as a result. I am not okay with that.
This brings me back to my thoughts on winter and Daylight Saving time. When I feel best about myself is when I am mindful of what I eat, the quality of my sleep, my time spent in nature, and nurturing my relationships and sense of community. I live alone and am fiercely independent but that does not mean relationships and community are not critically important in my life. They may even need to be more of a priority because it is so easy for me to slip into being okay with isolation. But to be honest, this remains something I really struggle with. I have lost myself in relationships so when I started this journey I thought it was enough for me to focus on gratitude and self-worth as an individual. I guess I assumed I would transfer everything I learned into relationships with others but I have painfully realized this isn't happening. I need new skills. I need to be brave. I need to put in the work. But I could use some help. I have always felt that everyone around me has figured this out so I'm reaching out for your insight. What you think is most important in building relationships and community? How do you stay connected? How do you not lose your sense of self in the process? Or are you facing the same struggles?
My quest for renewal will still include getting enough sleep so that I can bring my best self to the table, mindfully planning my meals so that I am in my best health, and spending sufficient time in nature so that my body and brain have time to connect with each other. But the scary work, the work I fear most but need the most will also be building and maintaining relationships and community because being single does not mean I have to go through life alone.
Comments