A Proposed Change in Perspective: Eating Solo Should be Celebrated

Dinner. What comes to mind when you hear that word? A family gathering together to eat? Guest sitting down to a perfectly set table? Recipes meant to serve 4-6?

It has been said “[w]e should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.” This quote is credited to Epicurus, an ancient Greek philosopher who lived from 341-270 BC. Similar sentiments are still being shared. Here are a few from influential people in the food world.

"The shared meal elevates eating from a mechanical process of fueling the body to a ritual of family and community, from the mere animal biology to an act of culture."  - Michael Pollan. In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto "

"Cooking is all about people. Food is maybe the only universal thing that really has the power to bring everyone together. No matter what culture, everywhere around the world, people get together to eat.” - Guy Fieri

As you can see, we’ve been conditioned over centuries to believe meal time is family time or an event to be shared with guests. Meal time can only nurture us if there is more than one at the table. In essence we have been conditioned to believe that eating alone is something less than. I believe it’s time for a change in perspective.

Our society is changing. Across the United States, about 1 in every 10 Americans – 10.3 percent – live alone. More than 1 in every 4 households – 27.9 percent – are made up of a single individual. In some cities, however, living alone is far more common. According to estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 21 metropolitan areas where more than one in every three homes are occupied by individuals who live alone.

I am one of those individually occupied households. I live alone.  However, I no longer believe living alone makes me any less deserving of a dining experience that nourishes the soul while nourishing the belly. To get to the place where I truly believed this I had to change the messaging in my head. When I changed the messaging I was able to change my perspective.

The first message I changed was about food itself. Having been overweight I had a bit of a twisted relationship with food. I hated it almost as much as I loved it. I needed to get beyond thinking of food as the enemy. Here’s my new message:

And this is how I actualized the message.

In my house every meal is a sit down meal. The table is set – with the good stuff. Stop saving the good stuff! Eat with your good silver. Use your special dishes. Each dish, bowl, spoon, napkin, etc. that I use is something that I love the look and the feel of. I am intentional and mindful about this.

Distractions are minimized. The television is turned off. My phone is turned off. And thanks to Alexa and an Amazon Prime subscription I can eat a meal with my choice of background music. 

I buy quality ingredients. I’ve also learned that some quality ingredients are worth a splurge while others can be found for a bargain. For example, I splurged on the smoked white fish that added an amazing flavor to my soup last night but found the mussels for the same soup for a great price at Aldi. The soup was flavorful and beautiful and is pictured below.



I try new ingredients and new recipes that let them shine. Plantains are a fairly new addition to my regular diet. As they ripen they get sweeter so they are used differently when they are green, yellow and almost black. The perfect green plantain makes incredible savory tostones best sprinkled with salt, while yellow used the same way make a sweet dessert treat best sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar. Totally ripe and almost black plantains are perfect in Paleo pancakes.

Plating matters. Dining out should not have the market on Instagram worthy dishes! We eat first with our eyes so it’s worth the extra effort for me to make each meal look special.

Once I was comfortable in honoring food and had established my own rituals it was time for my second change in messaging.

Cooking connects me with my mother. My mom taught me how to cook and I often find myself thanking her for a skill she taught me or smiling when I disregard her advice and boldly do things my own way.

Cooking connects me with my community. Many of my go-to dishes are favorites from places I have lived. I spent most of a day making a Paleo version of Tater Tot Hotdish. Thank you very much Minnesota for that little obsession. By the way give yourself an extra day if plan to make tots out of cauliflower - they are not easy!

Cooking connects me to a broader food community. Because I have an autoimmune disease I joined an online community of people who follow the autoimmune protocol. We have bonded over recipes, discussions on ingredients, and common struggles with living this lifestyle. There’s no better group of people to ask what food items you can get through airport security. And as an added bonus, many of my favorite cookbook authors are members of this group.

Along the way I have found there are many other solo eaters out there who have adopted this change in perspective. Are we a movement?  Possibly. I hope the day comes when solo meals are celebrated and universally recognized as an opportunity to nourish the soul.

My final message is one I have up in my house as a daily reminder. So from one solo household to anyone else who ever eats alone this final quote is for you.

Pictured is the soup where I splurged on the smoked whitefish, saved on the mussels and made it Paleo friendly by using light fleshed yams and almond milk. The only other ingredients are onion, garlic and leeks. So simple and yet so very delicious!